To What Lengths Would You Go?

Have you been to a new country? How about a country or region that speaks a language unique to yours? You’re at the local grocery looking for a particular item and no matter what hand-gestures, dancing and miming you use you just seem to not be getting the message across…

Before I continue, some of us may be thinking we don’t need to leave the country to feel misunderstood; we do our best and no matter which way we express ourselves, it goes unmatched.

Oftentimes we adopt styles of communication (internal, external, spoken, unspoken, etc) from the people we see as relevant, safe, and/or with authority, those we spent the most time with early on in our lives. How many of us recognize we grew up learning to “people-please” and manipulate to some extent to feel heard and seen?

Remember that example at the grocery? In a moment like that, do you practice kindness and patience for yourself and the folks you look to communicate with? Imagine the response you would reach for in the moments you’re feeling unheard and unseen, what could help, and to what lengths would you go to communicate your message?

Staying to one topic (as this could lean in many directions) there are as many styles to communicating as there are humans, and all are built upon internal and external factors. Can you imagine that more than 90% (woah!) of all communication is nonverbal! NOW it makes sense why we point to our wrist when asking for the time and to our crotch when we need to find a bathroom… or does it? Haha!

Considering the minds, hearts and lives of others opens the door to healthy, life-long connections and to our inner world - the most long-term relationship any of us will ever have: the one with our Self! When we learn respect we learn boundaries, and also to communicate them effectively, allowing the gift of being heard to be shared by everyone, children especially.

If you’re reading this, you are or were (just different now) once considered a child, and children are the reason why I am writing this. Each of us have a unique gift to offer this world, and below I share 3 ways to foster any child’s gifts.

Three ways to foster your child’s gifts:

1. Ask them questions: Instead of telling them what you think, feel, or know it is, ask them and get them to think for themselves! Questions and other thought-provoking statements like, “tell me more about…,” “if you could choose…” and “what do you mean by...” are going to get their creative juices flowing. Opening up a dialogue that allows you to better get to know your child, then inherently better get to know yourself, your home, and your lives together is a curious and imaginative environment for their fresh ideas and open hearts to be set free! Let it happen!

1. Bring them outside! Sunshine is essential to our mental and physical health. Encouraging some stimulation in a natural environment is not only healthy, but it’s light on the pocketbook, too! That means, when it’s time to go back inside, everyone as a unit gets to reflect on their experience together. In this example, creativity is now engaged and focused, makes dialogue & questions relevant, builds receptivity to you, and connects them with their surroundings. This forms a strong foundation for healthy bonding and environmental awareness. Yay, teamwork!

1. Learn their style of communication. Learning what inspires them can be enriching to both you and your child! When necessary, “Switch it up!” Sometimes the way an adult communicates can be outdated or uninteresting to our younger generations; for example, some children are inspired and engaged by building a connection to their inner world through their senses. Something about their senses may be heightened and balanced through another sense, or structured activity. Getting to know their style of communication is going to build YOUR strengths with not only your children but outside in the world with others that may or may not be aware of their own style! Win-Win-Win!

1. BONUS: HAVE FUN! Allow what you’re doing to just be and become a space of joy! And if other feelings and other things are coming up like sadness, anger, frustration, etc. allow a space for those things to be respected. We have the choice to ignore or allow our feelings, and we can encourage an outlet for the natural expression of humanness to be joyful!

Connection is an ongoing process. Through exploration and attention, we build healthy and unique dynamics at home first, ultimately encouraging our young ones to do the same wherever they go! Remember, the majority (93%!) of all communication is nonverbal. Please note that stimulation, information, and new experiences are integrated through moments of pure stillness, the most important part of the process. The balance of the two (stimulation and stillness) is paramount to the points I’m making here; Montessori proves this every day. It’s critical to consider how much we’re expected to form ourselves and our children amidst such a diverse world with such heavy restrictions. Capping creativity is joy suicide.

For many years I felt shame for the experiences I endured as a younger person, and now I recognize they are all gifts to connect with others, like I’m choosing to do here, in a richer, deeper way that not everyone can relate to. This is a blessing and unifying in nature. It allows us to experience empathy, courage, and boldness that some could only dream to show. The way you speak is going to reach someone exactly how they need and deserve to hear it. Will you let your gift free? What if it was for a child? Your child?